Do we love the unexpected, or are we just crazy for crazy?

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I want a man who’s kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire?” Zsa Zsa Gabor

“My boyfriend gives our dogs their own voices,” one woman wrote on Reddit’s Ask Women the other day, describing the antics of her boyfriend who may have too much time on his hands. “It gets hilariously ridiculous sometimes,” the woman added, “but I love it.” No doubt the dogs love it, too, but barking only gets you so far in this world.

Another woman said her boyfriend’s turtle has its own Instagram account. Again, funny, charming — a bit strange…

The sad truth about politics and people in America.

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Beware of false prophets, which comes to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they’re ravening wolves.” Mathew 7:15

Donald Trump isn’t particularly worried about this election. He should be, but he isn’t. He’s done the job he set out to do. There were glitches, and people saying he was a disaster, but so what? He never ran for office expecting to do anything. Like every politician in Washington with a keen sense of self preservation, the more you say, the less you have to accomplish.

Maybe he learned this from his mentor and fixer, Roy Cohn, the right hand to…

A short story by Robert Cormack.

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I don’t regret anything.” Amy Winehouse

Kachru watched the people coming into the school auditorium. Most were retired couples wearing parkas and carrying coffee cups. A heavyset reporter was there from The Edmonton Examiner. He’d tried to interview Kachru coming through the doors earlier. Kachru had politely declined. A mistake, obviously. Now the reporter sat directly in front, feet out, sweaty hair.

Late that afternoon, Kachru had brought in his slide projector and screen. There was a remote of sorts on a long electrical cord. He’d taken off his sweaters, but still wore his Pashtun vest and Wellco boots. …

Where else can you go when John Fogerty tells you to take a hike?

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They’ve got everything for you men to enjoy…” The Village People (YMCA)

President Donald Trump doesn’t pay much attention to lyrics. His favourite song “Is That All There Is?” sung by Peggy Lee, describes watching a house burn down and turning to drink. Why does Trump like it? “It’s a great song because I’ve had these tremendous successes,” he said. “And then I’m off to the next one.”

Missing a song’s point seems to be standard with this president. It’s like there’s a little man on one shoulder doing the “daddy dance.” On the other, he’s singing something else entirely…

Baste your bird, don’t debase it, for crying out loud.

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My cooking was so bad, my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.” Phyllis Diller

As history describes it, turkeys were first introduced to the Thanksgiving dinner table way back in the early 1600s. No record explains exactly why the Pilgrims chose turkey for this historic feast. They weren’t the plump and juicy turkeys we know today— in fact, they were embarrassingly skinny by comparison. Then again, so were cows and sheep.

No, the choice of wild turkey remains a bit of a conundrum, although it might have been because the Pilgrim’s guests were the Wampanoag tribe.

The Wampanoag…

Talking is what we know and what makes us feel safe.

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Everybody’s talking at once in a hypnotic, hyper din: the cocktail party from hell.” Maureen Dowd

“Reading is 4 chumps, brotha,” Mew16 wrote on reddit, an opinion shared by many in the discussion group — and not just brothas. As one woman explained, “Maybe it was being forced to read for 12 years, and the whole thing associated with shitty teachers and shitty people and shitty memories.”

Whether “shitty” memories can account for not reading, or the content of books themselves, certainly there’s a turn-off rate. …

A sexual odyssey.

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I’d rather have a cup of tea than sex.” Boy George

As a child I was guilty of many fixations. At the age of eight, I stared repeatedly at the thighs of a little girl sitting two desks back. This required me to turn at an awkward angle, much like you do when you’re backing up a car. The girl eventually reported me, and I was sent to the back of the room to reflect on my behaviour. Since everyone else’s head was facing the blackboard, I realized I could watch that girl’s thighs all afternoon, and still appear engrossed…

Most still think “They Shoot Horses, Don’t They?” is a pretty romantic movie.

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Writing a song is like holding a bird and not killing it. Sometimes you end up with a mouthful of feathers.” Tom Waits

It’s funny how marketing seminars are always coming up with new insights, like how you can turn your customers into best buddies through storytelling. It’s really content marketing, but if you come to their seminar, they’ll show you how make it sound like a heart-drenched story, and pretty soon, best buddies will fly through your doors like, well, flies.

The reason this gives me such a metaphysical thrill is because it’s nonsense. You might as well throw…

You’re boring.

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I doubt if one campaign in a hundred has a good idea.” David Ogilvy

Way back in the dark ages of television, an engineer working for the Zenith Radio Corporation in Chicago created the mute button. Actually, his boss requested it. He was called “The Commander,” and he hated commercials. He figured the constant interruption would kill television. Rather than see that happen (since Zenith made televisions), “The Commander” decided every remote should have a mute button.

It became our own civilized way of telling advertisers to fuck off.

There was even a senate hearing, debating whether the mute button…

A lesson in surrogacy.

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If I’m going to hell, I’m going there playing the piano.” Jerry Lee Lewis

On the off chance I’m not going to Heaven, I’ve made other arrangements. I can’t go into complete details now. We’re still in the negotiating phase, as they say. I have some likely — and not so likely candidates. One guy wants a custom paint job on his old Gremlin. Another wants a certain percentage of the money if he changes his mind. Those two are still in the iffy category.

Anyway, I’m pretty sure my plan will work. No doubt some brainy sorts have contrived…

Robert Cormack

I did a poor imitation of Don Draper for 40 years before writing my first novel. I'm currently in the final stages of a children's book. Lucky me.

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