Are You Trustworthy and Sexually Available?
We’ve been asking the same thing since evolution began.
“If we evolved from monkeys, why are they still here?” Stephen Baldwin
Stephen Hawking, theoretical physicist and frequent visitor on The Big Bang, once concluded that we might be the most advanced monkeys of any galaxy. This simplified things for most of us, but not Stephen Baldwin. He’s still not convinced monkeys are our distant ancestors.
Whether we came from apes or some primordial ooze, most of the world doesn’t care. We’re just trying to get by. According to scientists, that makes us more like our ancestors back in the Pleistocene era.
This dates back some 1.8 million years, when survival wasn’t an easy thing. Any number of animals, reptiles — even fish — were bigger than humans. You needed your wits about you, not to mention a pointed stick or a rock.
Scientists claim this is where we developed “the reptilian brain,” which interestingly still exists today.
Scientists claim this is where we developed “the reptilian brain,” which interestingly still exists today. Essentially, it breaks down to two important thoughts: Who can we trust and who’s available sexually.
Like our early ancestors , we worry about trustworthiness and sexual availability all the time. Dating sites alone have millions of people with an annual growth rate of 5.3 percent. That’s a lot of people, and a lot of dating.
Some dates prove more reptilian than others, while some haven’t evolved at all. Complaints range from “He was so rude,” to “He looked like an ape.” We’re constantly looking for evidence of evolution based on the person’s approach and level of hairiness.
That aside, the bigger issue we face as a society is trust. Whether its President Trump promising a wall, or someone saying they’re six feet when they’re only five foot two, it seems truth is something we have to wonder about every day.
How that jibes with our “reptilian brains” isn’t so much logic as physiological. As evolutionary psychologist, Satoshi Kanazawa, at the London School of Economics explains: “The human brain does not have any special module for evaluating welfare policy, but it has modules for evaluating people on the basis of character. That’s why we have this gut reaction to affairs and marriages and lying. All those things existed in the ancestral environment 100,000 years ago.”
What’s evolutionary is how we’ve gone from judging good or bad to not-so-good or not-so-bad.
We’re character-driven, in other words. We take time out to wonder why our leaders do dumb things, but our real priority is our own survival.
What’s evolutionary is how we’ve gone from judging good or bad to not-so-good or not-so-bad. Presidents are elected this way, but so are the people we fall in love with. It’s a complex business being in love.
Things were certainly a lot easier back in Pleistocene era. A good person didn’t kill you, a bad person did. Finding a sexually available mate wasn’t a problem, either. Based on what we know of the Neolithic period, everybody’s partner was probably under the same bearskin.
If there’s any good news here, it’s that we’re no worse off than our Pleistocene ancestors. In fact, we’re a lot warmer, we eat better, our grass is greener, and dating sites are popping up all over the place.
We may not be able to tell a good politician from a monkey, but neither can monkeys. In a way, all we’ve got to go on are our reptilian brains and furthering our race. We have to survive to date and date to marry, leading eventually to childbirth and choosing a new car.
One time, the owner of Springfellows, asked Hawking if they could discuss the universe. When Hawking remained silent, the owner asked, “Would you rather look at the girls?” Hawking answered, “The girls.”
Stephen Hawking put a lot of stock in marriage, calling it “the most important in his life.” He also went to strip clubs. One time, the owner of Springfellows, asked Hawking if they could discuss the universe. When Hawking remained silent, the owner asked, “Would you rather look at the girls?” Hawking answered, “The girls.”
“Love is the ultimate outlaw,” Tom Robbins said, “It just won’t adhere to any rules. The most any of us can do is sign on as its accomplice.”
A worthy thought, since we’re all accomplices. We follow and do what we’re told. We’re more likely to do what we’re told if we trust the person, and even more willing if they’re sexually available. This is called falling in love.
Marriage itself didn’t start out based on love. It was an active alliance between two families. You had property, they needed property; they had a beautiful daughter, you had property. If you’re good looking, there’s every chance your great ancestors held extensive land holdings.
At one time, all the monarchies of Europe were related, typically to maintain a level of genetic integrity. Unfortunately, it also produced blood diseases, so they knocked that off, marrying more distant aristocrats. When Alexandria was asked why she was marrying her first cousin, Nicolas II, she said, “What’s left?” Their son, Alexey, was a haemophiliac.
Germaine Greer, who summarizes everything in her usual, practical way, said: “Evolution is what it is. The upper classes have always died out. It’s one of the most charming things about them.”
If our “reptilian brains” are functioning the way they should, we have our wits, our sense of survival and an eye for the opposite sex.
They die off, sure, but so do we, and it’s really important — even vital — to know we didn’t fritter our lives away. If our “reptilian brains” are functioning the way they should, we have our wits, our sense of survival and an eye for the opposite sex. These things have carried us through various stages of evolution, including marriages, divorces and more marriages.
We’re humans and that makes us diggers, which is what we were all along, even before we became large landowners. In fact, we were all diggers at one time, and digging required a great deal of trust. What if you were down in a hole, digging away, and someone came along and filled it in?
That’s where finding trustworthy people is important, especially if you know your upper class family is going to die off. You need friends, hopefully ones who are sexually available, so you don’t end up with a cousin.
All of which brings us back to reptilian brains. Did love replace all this alliance business before we did something really stupid? Isn’t love the combination of trust and sexual availability?
Before that, there were tales of Sir Lancelot and Lady Guinevere, but nobody expected to marry a princess or a prince.
We know love is relatively recent, essentially only a few hundred years old. Before that, there were tales of Sir Lancelot and Lady Guinevere, but nobody expected to marry a princess or a prince. Hell, Lancelot ended up a hermit and Guinevere a nun at Amesbury where she died.
Such tales certainly turned a lot of people off love, until modern times, when it created all sorts of Hallmark cards, Gidget movies, and no end of comments on Facebook, including “I love your new look!”
You don’t need to be sexually available to love something or somebody, but you do need trust. Otherwise, people are going to think you love everything, which seems to be the case on Facebook.
We have to trust our reptilian brains, in any case, since, as Tom Robbins said, we’re all accomplices, and if we’re going to go about dating, or marrying, we’d better stick to what we know works.
Fortunately, we’re closer to Gidget and Hallmark cards.
It didn’t for Sir Lancelot and Lady Guinevere. Arthurian legends were kind of crazy that way. Fortunately, we’re closer to Gidget and Hallmark cards.
Nobody ever got steered wrong with a Hallmark card.
Robert Cormack is a satirist, novelist and blogger. His first novel “You Can Lead a Horse to Water (But You Can’t Make It Scuba Dive)” is available online and at most major bookstores. Check out Skyhorse Press or Simon and Schuster for more details.
