Dealing With Online Jerks.

The first thing you have to do is stop throwing out all that digital musk.

If those guys have eluded you, it’s probably because jerks are filling your inbox with “Hi there,” and “What’s happenin’, babe.” A little Jerk Off will send them packing.

You’ll be free to date normal guys, guys with nothing to prove but their integrity, honesty and devastating good looks. If those guys have eluded you, it’s probably because jerks keep filling your inbox with “Hi there,” and “What’s happenin’, babe.” A little Jerk Off will send them packing.

“It serves me right for putting all my eggs in one bastard.”

Dorothy Parker, for instance, gave a great witty retort when asked why she didn’t have children. “It serves me right for putting all my eggs in one bastard.”

“Aren’t your pants far enough down your legs already?”

So let’s take the example of the jerk asking you for hot pictures of yourself. Rather than say, “I really don’t appreciate being asked for pictures of me in my undies,” here are six effective ways you can turn off his “hot light.”

Tell him you’ve also got shots doing the same thing in other discount venues, along with a few in your neighbor’s back yard.

This is when you own up, admitting the pictures on your profile are twenty years old, then send a screen grab of the woman going to the washroom in the meat section at Walmart (it’s available on YouTube). Tell him you’ve also got shots doing the same thing in other discount venues, along with a few in your neighbor’s back yard.

“The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.”

Once you’re rid of the jerks, you can spend your time talking to hot, honest men who love witty retorts. To them, you can always fall back on one of Dorothy Parker’s other famous lines: “The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.”

I did a poor imitation of Don Draper for 40 years before writing my first novel. I'm currently in the final stages of a children's book. Lucky me.

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