“I got a brand new pair of roller skates, you got a brand new key.” Melanie
So your guy made you squirt last night, and you responded with “How did you do that?” Does it matter that you’ve been doing “that” to yourself for years, probably with more consistent results?
Well, your guy deserves a pat on the head, anyway. “Some men believe a girl squirting under their touch is a sign of their own sex appeal and machismo,” author, Chloe Thurlow, explains. Better to let him think he’s a lion. You just marked his bed better than a lioness marks a bushwillow.
At least lions understand territorial prerogative, whereas not every man understands squirting. Some know the pleasure women experience, others see puddles in the middle of their bed.
No, let him think he’s got “magic fingers.”
In either case, it’s better to say, “How did you do that?” and put some responsibility on him. It’s not like you planned to soak every individually-wrapped coil of his Beautyrest (at least, not in one go).
No, let him think he’s got “magic fingers.” Either that or show up with a plastic bed liner, even if it suggests he’s a bedwetter himself (which puts you on a level playing field if that’s actually the case).
And before you go feeling guilty, you didn’t invent squirting. Female ejaculation or “gushing” has been around since time immemorial.
“Milking” may have been an aphorism for making each other squirt, since Marie and the girls did have fun together.
As far back as the 16th century, anatomists like Regnier de Graaf, described how a woman “draws forth the man’s seed and casts her own with it.” You’re just helping the “little guys” along, although some squirters might be accused of trying to drown them.
Squirting has a long varied history, punctuated by famous gushers going all the way up to the royal thrones. Catherine the Great frequently had to have her bed “re-feathered.”
Marie Antoinette wanted a barnyard constructed at the palace so she and her ladies-in-waiting could go around as dairy maids. “Milking” may have been an aphorism for making each other squirt, since Marie and the girls did have fun together.
“French scientists say myth, squirting girls say magic” writes Chloe Thurlow, in her book “Girl Trade.” She goes on to say that squirting isn’t easy. Some girls are geysers, some aren’t.
And men shouldn’t pat themselves on the backs for making a girl squirt. She can do it herself with a vibrator or her hand. “It seems a shame to pee on their parade,” she adds, although she might have peed on their parade researching the book.
All of which brings us back to the original question: Do men enjoy women squirting? And can both parties enjoy a flood of emotions while they’re dealing with an actual flood?
Romance can be difficult on soggy beds. At the same time, it could be argued you both created the geyser.
Certainly neither side wants to discourage love (not if you’re squirting to explore or enhance your relationship). Yet the actual act can leave women — and possibly some men — wondering if they’ve gone too far.
Agony aunts and media doctors continually get anguished emails from females deeply embarrassed by wetting the bed when they come. Are they reducing their chances of having a loving relationship?
Romance can be difficult on soggy beds. At the same time, it could be argued you both created the geyser. If you’re complimenting him on being “a real digger,” and he’s calling you “master blaster,” that’s a good thing. If you’re both changing the sheets — or the bed entirely — that’s called teamwork.
Men are always saying they want a “partner.” Who’s more of a partner? A woman who wants all the finer things in life? Or one who says, “Grab a towel before we both drown”? Showing initiative really counts.
Men can certainly understand the prostate, since that’s where a doctor’s thumb goes.
Sex experts also point out that squirting may be the most misunderstood of all male/female activities. Are you coming or is it simply “stress incontinence”? Men really need to know that. If it’s the former, then they feel a sense of accomplishment and love grows. If it’s the latter, you’re a bedwetter.
So let’s look at what squirting really is. Back in 1982, US sex experts, Whipple, Perry and Ladas claimed that the “juice” is secreted by glands similar to a man’s prostate. Men can certainly understand the prostate, since that’s where a doctor’s thumb goes.
But since these glands circle the urethra, there’s always the possibility of urine mixing with the squirt itself. That said, scientists agree it tends to be clear coloured and allegedly doesn’t stain bedclothes yellow.
Since it isn’t staining anything, men have nothing to complain about. In fact, they should be glad you’re belting out the “yowzas.”
That said, women still worry about the romantic impact. Will life be the same after the squirt? Will he still love me tomorrow?
In her book “Girl Trade,” Chloe Thurlow explains: “[And] I say: those who can, do, and they do so because squirting is fun.”
Obviously, all men are different. Getting credit for making a woman squirt certainly gives a man macho feelings. On the other hand, being dumbfounded doesn’t.
The only definitive answer is: Don’t worry about it. In her book “Girl Trade,” Chloe Thurlow explains: “I say: those who can, do, and they do so because squirting is fun.”
If you’re worried men won’t understand your “fun,” maybe they aren’t any fun. Maybe you need someone who loves you the way you are, even if you’re both trying not to drown in the bedspread.
Go with the flow, in other words. Squirt away. He may be gone tomorrow, but it’s still fun today.
Robert Cormack is a novelist, satirist and blogger. His first novel “You Can Lead a Horse to Water (But You Can’t Make It Scuba Dive)” is available online and at most major bookstores (now in paperback). Check out Yucca Publishing or Skyhorse Press for details.