If You’ve Got Great Legs, You Don’t Need to Read.

The hilarious, shocking and frequently goofy reasons we give for not picking up a book.

Courtesy of Dreamstime.

Fortunately, we seem to be more creative in our reasoning and excuses than most authors are writing actual books.

Wouldn’t Melville’s “Moby Dick” be better if Ishmael and Captain Ahab walked away, saying, “This looks like the beginning of a beautiful friendship.”

This makes sense, since books are often boring because there isn’t a story — or at least one where someone gets charbroiled by a dragon.

For all I know, her neurons are strung together like Christmas lights in June.

Who can cram “Game of Thrones” and “Lord of the Flies” into the same evening?

The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.

I did a poor imitation of Don Draper for 40 years before writing my first novel. I'm currently in the final stages of a children's book. Lucky me.

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