“No clean kitchen is worth a handy.”

Some consider handies sexual quid pro quo. Others think they’re the inbred cousins of the blowjob.

Courtesy of Dreamstime

I haven’t ever wrapped breakfast around, well, anything, and I can’t imagine getting “oatmeal dome” or “smoothie dome.”

Not that they won’t do the dishes for a handy. Dishes have to get done. So do men.

By improving your skill, a handy can be a welcome reward as opposed to a “death grab.”

“A hand job is just a woman saying she can’t be bothered giving a blow job,” one man said, preferring not to leave his name.

“That’s the frenulum,” you could say, “it’s my frickin’ G-spot.”

I’m still worried waffle may have a double meaning.

I did a poor imitation of Don Draper for 40 years before writing my first novel. I'm currently in the final stages of a children's book. Lucky me.

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