Now I’m wondering about the plural of clitoris. Is it clitorises or clitori? Had to look it up. It’s either clitorises or clitorides. There, that’s the lesson for today.

Second lesson would be: Can they be lassoed? My experience is they can, but the bucking afterwards is insane. Perhaps that’s why these clit rodeos are put on by women. They establish the rules, the first being that no indiscriminate lassoing is allowed unless it’s girl-on-girl (you know how men are at rodeos).

In terms of angry clitorises, I haven’t seen any of those. I suppose they could become angry if they’re being lassoed but, again, anything done indiscriminately is going to cause problems (and anger). Far better to treat them with respect and possibly a vibrating horseshoe (read my: She Found Her G-Spot And Forgot Her Manners).

Now, can nipples simply disappear? I’ve never heard of this. They weren’t lassoed while you were sleeping, I hope. Having tittoos seems like a great solution. Is this common? I remember hearing about a woman (friend of a friend) who decided her aerolas were too big (absolutely crazy; the bigger the better). She went to a plastic surgeon and had them reduced (is that even the right term?) and they eventually fell off altogether.

But disappearing? That’s like a guy waking up and finding his testicles gone. God, we’d kill every snake within a hundred mile radius.

Are you absolutely firm on the million dollars? I don’t know how many writing workshops I’ll have to do to raise that (obviously my royalties won’t do it). Also, please suggest the wording for the credit (if I ever raise the million).

I did a poor imitation of Don Draper for 40 years before writing my first novel. I'm currently in the final stages of a children's book. Lucky me.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store