People We Shouldn’t Eat
Warning: Some friendships may cause heartburn and indigestion.
“I won’t eat Cass/ She gives me gas/ I won’t eat Wheezy/ She makes me queasy/ I won’t eat Dirk/ He makes me burp/ And I won’t eat Leigh/ ’Cause she won’t eat me!” — Robert Cormack
We all have friends who shouldn’t be friends. They’re usually deceptive, selfish, and frequently late. If they weren’t our friends, we wouldn’t talk to them at all. We’d rather cross the street or move to another country. Paraguay is overrun with people hiding from their friends. So’s Florida.
With this in mind, I’ve created a list of ways to avoid lousy friends. I call it: “People We Shouldn’t Eat.” Consider it a dietary guide to better friendships.
Let’s look first at people we shouldn’t ever consider eating. Take the woman from Cornwall, Ontario, who rented a car for a day’s shopping. She picked up a Nissan at a local rental agency, went to Walmart, ran a few errands, then brought the car back.
As dumb as this sounds, it proves that your car keys probably work in forty percent of the vehicles in any Walmart parking lot.
At the rental desk, she complained about garbage on the car floor and golf clubs in the…