Sex And The Devil’s Lettuce.

Lighting a fatty could result in more sex, kinkier sex—even a tattoo.

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Courtesy of Dreamstime

Of course I know how to roll a joint.” Martha Stewart

If research is to be believed, humans are a game lot when it comes to sex. We’re like Cosmo Kramer on Seinfeld, deciding not to wear underwear. “I’m out there, Jerry,” he said, “and I’m lovin’ it!” Well, we’re out there, too, willing to gobble up, rub on or strap on just about anything to satisfy ourselves and our partners.

Look at the sex toy industry today. Last year alone, it raked in an estimated $15 million with 19.2% of sales being vibrators and 16% being dildos.

According to Psychology Today, twelve percent of women use a sex toy at least once a week. That’s up from only six percent 15 years earlier when Kramer tossed his boxers and let everything hang like a caveman.

Women who smoke grass regularly orgasm more easily than women who don’t (55% vs. 38%).

Even more interesting is the number of people turning to stimulants of a more natural variety. I’m talking about weed, also known as “devil’s lettuce.”

OkCupid questioned over a million people between 2012 and 2017 and found that men get off more easily smoking “devil’s lettuce” compared with those who never touch the stuff (72% vs. 66%). Women who smoke grass regularly orgasm more easily than women who don’t (55% vs. 38%).

There’s something very liberating — even kinky — about the doobie. Those who “take to the bowl” admit they’re okay with freaky sex, multiple sex partners or even bisexual ones. In other words, the more tolerant we are, the more likely we are to have good sex, frequent sex — or a tattoo.

Will you reach the point where you can’t have sex withoutlighting up a fatty?

This may not sit well with the Christian Right, since it can only lead down the Sodom and Gomorrah path, something they’ve avoided with Christian music and telling everyone weed works the same as masturbating. Frequent use — or abuse — can result in blindness or buying Azteks. Pontiac stopped a lot of people from masturbating or smoking weed with Azteks.

Certainly addiction is a concern with any substance, but the “devil’s lettuce” has stirred up a lot of controversy. Will smoking weed before or during sex lead to harder stuff? Will we reach the point where we can’t have sex without lighting up a fatty?

Experts differ greatly on this — not that they don’t have definitive research on addiction — but most test subjects fail to attend any follow-up studies. Either they’re too busy smoking fatties or they’re having sex. Most studies report inconclusive findings. This could be the result of statisticians smoking weed themselves. Research houses have a lot of Azteks in their parking lots.

In any event, smoking the “devil’s lettuce” is very popular. Every age group indulges whether it’s toking, vaping or baking it into brownies.

A 1984 study cited by Psychology Daily found users have an increased libido after smoking — although, so do badminton players.

Can we all improve our sex lives this way? There are pros and cons, and these should be considered before grabbing a reefer. I’ve outlined below things to consider before you light up — or take on the Christian Right. Please note that these conclusions are not definitive since the “devil’s lettuce” may have been involved in the findings. As I said, research houses have a lot of Azteks in their parking lots.

Increased Desire: A 1984 study cited by Psychology Daily found users have an increased libido after smoking — although, so do badminton players.

Increased Sensitivity: The same study showed marijuana users feeling more relaxed, euphoric and emotional after toking. Members of the Christian Right say you can get the same thing from Jesus.

Slows Down Time: Perception of time on weed is often extended — or forgotten about entirely. This could be due to greater sexual satisfaction or being too busy eating Oreos to notice the time.

Her longest orgasm clocked in at 50 seconds. She’s still amazed she could read her watch.

Intense Orgasms: A subject using the pseudonym, Elizabeth, told New York Magazine that her orgasms under the influence of weed “seem to last for 30 seconds and are incredibly intense.” Her longest orgasm clocked in at 50 seconds. She’s still amazed she could read her watch.

Smoking Too Much: According to The American Academy of Neurology, excessive pot smoking will diminish your libido. This hasn’t been proven in a larger placebo-controlled trials, but it’s a good scare tactic, anyway.

Lower Sperm Count: Studies prove smoking marijuana lowers the chances of a man getting a woman pregnant. Some believe this is related to a lower sperm count, others believe the subjects were too stoned to get it up.

Vaginal Dryness: Smoking marijuana not only leads to dry mouth, it can also cause drying of the mucous membrane in the vagina. Products like cannabis-infused lubricants can possibly help in both cases.

High-Risk Behavior: Any substance that creates euphoria can also lead to high-risk behavior like forgetting condoms or falling off buildings. The latter appears limited to people who have sex on balconies or stoned window washers.

At the end of the day, each individual should know their limits and act — or smoke — accordingly. Comments or personal experiences should be sent to OkCupid or above-mentioned research organizations. As I mentioned, their test subjects either didn’t come back for follow-up studies, or were simply too stoned to give accurate — or coherent — answers.

Let’s just say, research is ongoing. You might want to do your own.

Robert Cormack is a freelance copywriter, novelist and blogger. His first novel “You Can Lead a Horse to Water (But You Can’t Make It Scuba Dive)” is available online or at most major bookstores (now in paperback). Check out Yucca Publishing or Skyhorse Press for more details.

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I did a poor imitation of Don Draper for 40 years before writing my first novel. I'm currently in the final stages of a children's book. Lucky me.

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