Sex With a Yodeling Pickle.

Is vegetable sex okay if it ends up in the salad later?

Courtesy of Dreamstime

She went so far as to put bees in a gourd, creating the first vibrator. In a sense, that may be the original vegetable sex, since nobody’s found a better use for gourds.

Well of course it kept yodeling. It’s a gag gift. If it stopped yodeling, it wouldn’t be a gag gift. It’d be a fake pickle.

“Don’t use Ben Gay or Vicks Vaporub,” she said, cautioning all readers to avoid mentholated products, even if you’re foraging around in the medicine cabinet at two in the morning, drunk on wine coolers.

“What kinda audition is this?” she’d said to the director, but her shock and dismay disappeared after she got off the phone with her friend. Holding up the squash, she asked “Wanna cuddle?”

At some point you have to accept the fact that it isn’t a cute little experiment anymore. You’re banging that zucchini three times a week. That’s more than anyone likes warm salads.

Nobody else should know, meaning stay off Reddit. Someone could put two and two together, and realize you’ve got way more radishes around the house than, well, anybody.

They’ve served you well. Now it’s time to serve them well.

I did a poor imitation of Don Draper for 40 years before writing my first novel. I'm currently in the final stages of a children's book. Lucky me.

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