The Rules of Foreplay.

“Sex without foreplay = somebody suddenly shoving a burger in your face.

Courtesy of Dreamstime

Think of her as an engine. No oil, engine seizes, you’re hitchhiking to work.

The more you stimulate the manifold — sorry, vagina — the more moisture comes out. It’s sort of a win-win for both of you.

Nobody wants to be “pounded indefinitely,” even if it is their birthday.

Nobody wants smoke rising, just as nobody wants to be thinking about their taxes while “hubby with the chubby” tries to be Keith Moon with the backboard.

“If God didn’t want you to go down on a woman, he wouldn’t have made it look like a taco.”

“Birth control now,” she confessed, “is leaving the lights on.”

I did a poor imitation of Don Draper for 40 years before writing my first novel. I'm currently in the final stages of a children's book. Lucky me.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store