Why You Won’t Get The Job.
You’re just not routinized enough.
“Why do you want this job? Answer: This is the last thing I want, but I will not make it in the wild?” slate @PleaseBeGneiss
Before you say: “That can’t be right, I’m as routinized as the next person” — maybe you’re not. Maybe you only think you’re routinized. Truly routinized people never wonder if they’re routinized. Frankly, they don’t wonder anything, least of all why employers pick them over us.
Who are these routinized people?
We’ll start with someone who’s always employed. Each morning, they leave the house at eight-twenty. Ever wonder why it’s always eight-twenty? Because they are a reliable, dependable individual. They arrive at the office at 9 o’clock, grab a coffee, then go to their desk. No surprises, no mistakes, just a steady stream of predictable work.
Employers love the routinized.
Ask them why and they’ll say: “Because they’re team players. We need team players. They integrate well. They make sure the work gets done on time.” If you’re envious, don’t be. Along with being routinized, they’re also homogenized. Far from being standouts at work, they’re merely part of the flock. Deep down, they know their work adds little value outside of keeping the machine going. They have no spark, no new ideas.
Headhunters tend to love them, too
A headhunter once explained what she looks for in a new recruit. Number one is personality. Not the kind of personality that draws attention. What she wants are neutral personalities (lots to choose from, and surprisingly cheap). They don’t threaten anyone, which is good. Routinized people hate feeling threatened. Their worse fear is being asked to work late.
Why are routinized employees so paranoid?
Simple. Their lives don’t revolve around work. They’re more interested in getting home to their families. Routine guarantees they can make plans. If the game starts at seven, they’ll be home at six-thirty. If little Sarah’s dance recital starts at noon, they’ll dump their work on some other routinized employee’s desk and be there at eleven thirty. Nobody complains. Everyone’s got big mortgages and overextended credit cards (besides, their own kid’s recital is next week, so they’re going to do the same thing to you).
That’s why they’re known as tried and true.
Say you’ve got a great portfolio. You show it to a headhunter. They think it’s genius. A few days later, you find out you didn’t get the job. Someone with half your talent did. Why? Their record is clean, no dust-ups, no complaints. Their resume reads like a menu a a fast food restaurant. That’s important because most recruiters like fast food.
There’s one problem, though
Every organization obviously needs its flocks. But homogenized work is also monotonous. It contributes to a ridiculous amount of absenteeism. According to a Bureau of Labor Statistics survey, absenteeism has gone up 30 percent in the last ten years, making it the biggest irretrievable cost on the company’s books.
So how does this help you?
While employers may hate independent thinkers, these thinkers come in handy when the rest of the office can’t come up with an idea. If you actually have an idea, you might come in handy. Not that they don’t want you to be manageable. As my headhunter pointed out to me before an important interview, “Nod your head occasionally.”
Head-nodding really does work
At my next interview, I did exactly what she suggested. I nodded a lot. And it worked. I got the job. Eventually, as I was given more responsibility, I started to insert my own ideas. It raised some concerns with a few routinized folks. But, overall, nobody tried to kill me. Not intentionally, anyway.
Good thing, too
Unlike many of my past reviews at other companies, I was now considered “enthusiastic, although slightly bent.” That’s okay. I’ve always been slightly bent. Fortunately, my enthusiasm supersedes my bentness. As one boss said: “We need a little colour around here.” I’m as white as you’re ever going to get (and bent). But it got me a bonus.
Who wants to go over the top first?
I saw a hilarious WWI movie where the commander asked “Who wants to go over the top first?” He didn’t get any takers, just as managers don’t get any takers when they ask routinized employees for an idea. Nobody’s got one, obviously. They’re too busy wondering if the barbecue’s got propane. That’s when you throw out an idea. It doesn’t have to be a big idea because everyone’s thrilled the silence is broken. You’re a hero (a bent one, but who cares?).
Some days it’s good to be slightly bent and idea-prone
Okay, I wasn’t entirely truthful with the headline. Sometimes not being routinized serves you well, especially if the company’s in a thicket, so to speak (meaning they don’t have two ideas to rub together).
This won’t happen every day. But when it does, you’ll be there, throwing out wonderful little gems, some of which might even save a few asses.
Routinized employees will appreciate that. So will management.
At least until the next day.
Then they’ll start hating you like crazy.
That’s when you start nodding your head a lot.
Robert Cormack is a satirist, blogger and author of “You Can Lead A Horse to Water (But You Can’t Make It Scuba Dive).” You can join him every day by subscribing to robertcormack@medium.com/subscription.
